Our Ireland

It’s FRIDAY THIRTEENTH!

As you all know today is the day that’s been waiting for you all year. If it’s going to go wrong it will on Friday 13th, big time! I’m actually under my desk writing this at the moment with a hurling helmet on and pillows tied to my torso.

It’s true. So here are some tips about what not to do today and how to avoid years of bad luck or even certain death!

1. Don’t walk under a ladder.
   I used to do this all the time to prove to myself that I’m not superstitious. I don’t do it any more though. As I matured a little over the years. like a fine wine does (or a blue cheese) it occurred to me that my chances of being skulled or squashed by falling objects shot up drastically every time I walked under a ladder. You know that more people get killed by falling coconuts every year than by sharks? Think about it…
2. Don’t let a black cat walk across your path.
   This one has always been difficult for me to avoid. Where I grew up a neighbour of mine two doors down used to take in every stray creature with fur and a pulse (sometimes without too!). It became impossible to avoid black cats walking across my path. I think you get 7 years bad luck, per cat, per path crossing. This explains a lot about my life. So what’s the solution? A mind bogglingly simple solution to this problem is this; when you see a black cat about to cross your path simply turn around and walk the other direction. If you’re driving you could change lanes or speed up I guess.
3. Don’t break a mirror by accident.
   On a regular day you’ll earn yourself 7 years bad luck for accidental mirror breakage. On FRIDAY 13^TH I suspect that the penalty is increased. After many months of number crunching I’ve come up with a complex mathematical theory that I believe to be sound.

The equation follows: 7yrs (accidental mirror break) X 13 (Friday 13th) = 98 years of bad luck. An easy way to avoid this terror beyond all terrors is to break every mirror you come across on purpose, therefore avoiding accidental mirror breakage.

*Disclaimer: I’m not suggesting you do any of the stuff mentioned in this post, terms and conditions apply*