Our Ireland

It’s FRIDAY THIRTEENTH!

As you all know today is the day that’s been waiting for you all year. If it’s going to go wrong it will on Friday 13th, big time! I’m actually under my desk writing this at the moment with a hurling helmet on and pillows tied to my torso.

It’s true. So here are some tips about what not to do today and how to avoid years of bad luck or even certain death!

1. Don’t walk under a ladder.
   I used to do this all the time to prove to myself that I’m not superstitious. I don’t do it any more though. As I matured a little over the years. like a fine wine does (or a blue cheese) it occurred to me that my chances of being skulled or squashed by falling objects shot up drastically every time I walked under a ladder. You know that more people get killed by falling coconuts every year than by sharks? Think about it…
2. Don’t let a black cat walk across your path.
   This one has always been difficult for me to avoid. Where I grew up a neighbour of mine two doors down used to take in every stray creature with fur and a pulse (sometimes without too!). It became impossible to avoid black cats walking across my path. I think you get 7 years bad luck, per cat, per path crossing. This explains a lot about my life. So what’s the solution? A mind bogglingly simple solution to this problem is this; when you see a black cat about to cross your path simply turn around and walk the other direction. If you’re driving you could change lanes or speed up I guess.
3. Don’t break a mirror by accident.
   On a regular day you’ll earn yourself 7 years bad luck for accidental mirror breakage. On FRIDAY 13^TH I suspect that the penalty is increased. After many months of number crunching I’ve come up with a complex mathematical theory that I believe to be sound.

The equation follows: 7yrs (accidental mirror break) X 13 (Friday 13th) = 98 years of bad luck. An easy way to avoid this terror beyond all terrors is to break every mirror you come across on purpose, therefore avoiding accidental mirror breakage.

*Disclaimer: I’m not suggesting you do any of the stuff mentioned in this post, terms and conditions apply*

Well good news! Pope Benedict has decided to abolish ‘Limbo’! Yep, he’s decided it has to go so that’s that! I suppose he cleared it with the big guy first before letting the rest of us know about the changes. That’s one management meeting I’d like to sit in on.

Good news particularly for all the little children who thus far ended up in ‘Limbo’ due to a lack of baptism (completely out of there control of course but rules are rules…well they used to be anyway!). I’m sure the residents of Limbo are all relieved to hear about the closing down of what was to be their eternal holding pen. I assume they’ll be relocated to a nice little corner of heaven soon?

For those not in the know, Limbo is a place that is neither heaven nor hell, but somewhere in between. Limbo was the eternal residence for the souls of the un-baptised (mostly babies) and a prolonged holding pen for people who didn’t live very good lives or very bad lives. Those guys had to sit out a couple of million years in Limbo praying their heads off until they got a pass to go to heaven. The un-baptised children however could expect to stay there for eternity…until now that is! Thanks to Benedict!

Editor
Our Ireland

Would you credit that! The two guys or gals mentioned in the last post have not visited the site since... and you think you know somebody.

Anyway, some topics I probably should have posted about but didn't are mentioned now;

Two Irish priests steal millions from their parish in the states, they go on the run to Las Vegas and other sunny and funny and sinful destinations with a couple of girl friends. One of these priests invested some of his ill gotten gains (a mere 400,000 Euro) in a pub back home in Ireland (I wonder if they do a good pint?). There's loads of reports on the net about these two chancers, click here for one with a heavenly photo to boot, The Sins of Our Fathers.

Ok, some Irish lad who now lives in Australia is involved in a 'stars in there eyes' type talent competition. I believe he's a lovely singer?

What else…I'm working on a few pages of content about the family name Byrne (my mother's name). It'll include the origin and meaning of the name and focus on Feagh Mac Hugh O Byrne, one of the most formidable Irish warriors during the reign of Elisabeth I and a right trouble maker!

Editor
Our Ireland